in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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