don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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