Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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