is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
