You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
