a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
