He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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