If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
