i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
