If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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