u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
