Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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