At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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