He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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