i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
