Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
