I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
