I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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