Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
