I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
