You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
