Are we in a gay sports bar?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
