I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
