please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
