he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
