I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
