i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
