Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
