some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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