Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize