if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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