sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize