Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
