Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize