I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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