no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
