As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
