Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
