If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
