My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
