My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
