when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Why is your signature on my underwear?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
