Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
