I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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