do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
