Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
