you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize