I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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