btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
