I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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