butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
