I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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