TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
even my farts smell like vagina
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I had to cum in my sink.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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