We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize