they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
