Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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