Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just want to make out with him forever
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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