So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
