a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
