Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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