Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
