I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
