But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
