Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
