I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
