I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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