we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
