that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I AM VODKA MAN
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Panties = found
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
