So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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