my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
