why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
