I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
