How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
