Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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