No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
