if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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