My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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