Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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