You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
