apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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