ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
