I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
