Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize