This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
