singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
