I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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