I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
