she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
