Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
