my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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