somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
This is not my ceiling
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
