Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So drunk its hurt
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
