OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
