she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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